Punchlines: Oct. 10, 2005

"I was impressed by [Michael Brown's] willingness to accept responsibility for how incompetent everyone else was. He candidly admitted he was too trusting, too able, too overskilled to deal with all the retards around him. Overall, Jon, a heartfelt and stirring you-a culpa."

--ROB CORDDRY, correspondent on The Daily Show

"David Hasselhoff has released a rap album. My God, haven't black people suffered enough?"

--BILL MAHER

"First Lady Laura Bush is going to guest-star on a special edition of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. She'll be helping rebuild a shelter in Biloxi, Mississippi, and applying oils to [host] Ty Pennington's chest."

--JIMMY...

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