Punchlines: Aug. 15, 2005

"A lightsaber used in the original Star Wars was bought for $200,000 at a recent auction. The buyer wishes to remain anonymous and a virgin." --CONAN O'BRIEN

"President Bush had his physical a couple days ago, and doctors say that President Bush is likely our most fit President in the history of the United States. That means if anything happens to Cheney, he can jump in and take over."   --DAVID LETTERMAN

"Some sad news--King Fahd of Saudi Arabia has died. In respect, the Saudi royal family lowered their flag and raised their oil prices."  --JAY LENO


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