Punchlines: Aug. 8, 2005

"This is a huge story. The Service Employees and the Teamsters want to leave the AFL-CIO. This is the biggest setback to American workers since the nation of India."  --JAY LENO

"It was so hot down in Florida, Jeb Bush was rigging ice machines."  --DAVID LETTERMAN

"The White House dropped the phrase 'war on terror' ... when polls showed no one thought we were winning it. They think they know how to make it more popular. They're going to stop calling it 'war on terror' and start calling it Shrek 3."  --ARGUS HAMILTON, comedian and columnist

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