Siblings Raising Siblings

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Psychologists agree that the predicament of a sibling's acting as a parent is a delicate one. According to Anthony Jurich, professor of family studies and human services at Kansas State University, anyone with a say in creating such a family structure should ask three questions: "First, what is the responsibility level of the older sibling(s)? Second, to what degree does the younger sibling agree to this? And finally, what is the nature of the relationship between the siblings?" If the siblings have a hierarchical relationship, Jurich maintains, the transition can be a lot smoother, and the siblings are less likely to become entangled in power conflicts.

When parents are deceased, the choice to stay together may be logical. But when parents are alive but unable to care for their kids, sometimes an older sibling needs to step in. Tara Stoney, 29, a District of Columbia security guard, is raising her siblings Ashlee, 6, and Overn, 4. She also has five children of her own, ranging from 13 months to 11 years old. Stoney watched as her mother went through a difficult period in her life and immediately sought legal custody of the kids. "They know I'm their sister and not their mother. They call me Tara," says Stoney. It's a challenge raising seven kids, and she hopes her mother will one day be able to raise Ashlee and Overn. But until that time, she says, "family should stay with family. I have no regrets."