"ESPN magazine says that Lance Armstrong is considering running for Governor of Texas. Well, finally Texas would have a Governor who knew how to ride a bicycle."
--JAY LENO
"Tuesday the Senate voted to continue distributing a significant portion of security dollars equally among the states, rather than by likelihood of attack. [That's] good news for smaller states like Wyoming, which only has one high-risk target--the popular tourist attraction, the world's largest pile of homeland-security money."
--JON STEWART
"REPORT: UNRELEASED HARRY POTTER BOOK MORE SECURE THAN U.S. TRAINS."
--Fake news headline from THE ONION
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