Punchlines: Jul. 11, 2005

"Bush is doing anything he can now to boost his popularity. In fact, tomorrow he will be jumping up and down on Oprah's couch."  --DAVID LETTERMAN

"Jimmy Buffett, Jay-Z and Avril Lavigne signed a brief supporting the record companies, while Heart, Brian Eno and Terence Trent D'Arby joined forces to support Grokster. It was a lineup that ensured no matter how the court ruled, the music at the victory party would suck."  --JON STEWART

"VATICAN TIGHTENS NOCTURNAL EMISSIONS STANDARDS."  --Fake news headline from THE ONION

...

Want the full story?

Subscribe Now

Subscribe
Subscribe

Get TIME the way you want it

  • One Week Digital Pass — $4.99
  • Monthly Pay-As-You-Go DIGITAL ACCESS$2.99
  • One Year ALL ACCESSJust $30!   Best Deal!
    Print Magazine + Digital Edition + Subscriber-only Content on TIME.com

Learn more about the benefits of being a TIME subscriber

If you are already a subscriber sign up — registration is free!