Punchlines: Mar. 28, 2005

The greatest hits of the week in late-night comedy

"Mel Gibson has re-released The Passion. A very powerful movie. It's basically the same movie, just six minutes shorter. What they did was take out the coffee and dessert at the Last Supper." --DAVID LETTERMAN

After a clip of Ted Kennedy explaining why he canceled a meeting with the political leader of the Irish Republican Army, saying he knew when "to hold 'em and when to fold 'em": "There you have it. Years of religious turmoil boiled down to a Kenny Rogers lyric." --JON STEWART

"We haven't been able to find out who shot Tupac or Biggie, and we haven't been able to...

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