"Mel Gibson has re-released The Passion. A very powerful movie. It's basically the same movie, just six minutes shorter. What they did was take out the coffee and dessert at the Last Supper." --DAVID LETTERMAN
After a clip of Ted Kennedy explaining why he canceled a meeting with the political leader of the Irish Republican Army, saying he knew when "to hold 'em and when to fold 'em": "There you have it. Years of religious turmoil boiled down to a Kenny Rogers lyric." --JON STEWART
"We haven't been able to find out who shot Tupac or Biggie, and we haven't been able to...