Punchlines: Mar. 28, 2005

The greatest hits of the week in late-night comedy

"Mel Gibson has re-released The Passion. A very powerful movie. It's basically the same movie, just six minutes shorter. What they did was take out the coffee and dessert at the Last Supper." --DAVID LETTERMAN

After a clip of Ted Kennedy explaining why he canceled a meeting with the political leader of the Irish Republican Army, saying he knew when "to hold 'em and when to fold 'em": "There you have it. Years of religious turmoil boiled down to a Kenny Rogers lyric." --JON STEWART

"We haven't been able to find out who shot Tupac or Biggie, and we haven't been able to...

Want the full story?

Subscribe Now

Subscribe
Subscribe

Learn more about the benefits of being a TIME subscriber

If you are already a subscriber sign up — registration is free!