Faster, Higher, Sleazier

If cheating were legal, judging would be a simple question: How low can you go?

The official announcement that cheating has been added to the schedule of the Salt Lake City Olympic Games is being widely applauded as an ingenious gambit that instantly renders the current Canadian-Russian skating brouhaha, indeed all Games-related scandals, moot. Slimy and underhanded representatives of prestige-crazed nations the world over are ecstatic. "I salute the Olympic Committee for at long last granting chicanery its rightful place in amateur athletics," stated one behind-the-scenes manipulator, using a false identity. "No longer must we hide our handiwork in the shadows, only to be hauled before this or that tribunal for the simple crime of getting...

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