What if Lincoln Had Used Twitter?

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Steam engines, mutton chops, people named "Rutherford" — history is a funny thing. Take the Pilgrims, for example. Not only do they look ridiculous — (hat buckles? really?) — but you can make fun of them without fear of accidentally offending someone. This is the brilliance of the website historicaltweets.com. (See the top 10 celebrity Twitter feeds.)

Historicaltweets.com has re-imagined famous moments throughout history as Twittered by the people who experienced them. Some entries are by politicians (Abe Lincoln: "Gr8 show tonite. Ford is the perfect venue for AAAAARRGH!!"). Others are by fictional characters (Odysseus: "Back home! Who r all these random dudes?"). Some even mock taboo subjects (Lou Gehrig: "Found a penny on the sidewalk! I'm the luckiest man on the face of this earth."). Despite a few questionable entries, we here at TIME couldn't be more pleased with the concept of historical Tweets, so we've come up with some entries of our own:

(Read "How Twitter Will Change the Way We Live.")

John Hancock: Why did everyone write so small? Now I look like a jerk

Al Capone: April 15 AGAIN?!?!

Eve: I should eat healthier

Albert Einstein: Where is my hairbrush?

Buzz Aldrin: @NeilArmstrong: you go first

James Joyce: 140 characters? A sentence of such fractured length would have barely begun to scratch at the surface of man's vain, insignificant —
James Joyce: Damn.

Che Guevara: I love my new hat

Claude Monet: I feel like I've seen this haystack before...

Sir Walter Raleigh: @Roanoke Hey, where'd everybody go?

Charlie Chaplin: Really like my new look. Nothing will ever cause toothbrush mustaches to go out of style.

Rosa Parks: You want me to what? Oh HELL no.

Monica Lewinsky: Note to self: drop off dry-cleaning

Henry VIII: Women. Can't live with 'em, can't live wi—ooooh.

Amelia Earhart: Sometimes I wish I could just disappear.

Lassie: Idiot child fell down the mine shaft again. That makes 3 times in one week.

Marie Antoinette: Have leftover cake. Will see if anyone wants to share

Richard Nixon: I better keep track of all of this

See 10 ways Twitter will change American business.

Read "Celebrity Twittering: Is That Really You, Shaq?"