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Me: Let's go to Ollivander's.
Plum: [Chattering excitedly] What if we could choose the wandmaker? Like Gregorovitch!
[Gregorovitch is a legendary wandmaker. At this point I realize I'm out of my league, Harry Pottertriviawise.]
Me: Does Ollivander turn out to be good or bad in the books? I can never remember.
Plum: Hello? Ollivander's nice!
Me: For a while, I thought he was evil.
Me: Because he looks weird?
Plum: So what! Griphook looks weird. Dobby looks weird.
Me: [Schooled] You're absolutely right. O.K., Diagon Alley South Side. I guess they haven't opened Wizard's Wheezes yet.
Plum: Weasley's Wizard Wheezes. Weasley's Wizard Wheezes.
[We enter Ollivander's by clicking on the facade of the store. Pottermore explains that Ollivander has automated the process of wand allocation using a questionnaire, which we're about to take.]
Plum: We can't choose our wand. Let your wand choose you.
Me: Here we go.
Plum: But we can only have one wand together.
Me: We'll share.
[The questions are multiple choice. Some are basic, like your eye color, and some are more involved. What quality do you value most about yourself? (Plum goes for determination.) What is your greatest fear? (Plum picks darkness. "Unless you have a lantern.") The result: I must say that in all modesty our wand is ... pretty badass. It's made of fir, with a core of dragon heartstrings, 12.5 in. long. Flexibility? Unbending.]
Plum: I want to get Sorted ... I want to get Sorted ...
Me: [Clicking through scenes from the book] Shall we read about Platform 9 ¾ or keep going?
Plum: Keep going.
[We cruise through the Hogwarts Express, picking up a chocolate-frog card (Dumbledore) and a many-flavored bean (sprouts) in Harry's train compartment.]
Me: All right. I think we're coming up on ...
[The Sorting process is introduced in a video starring J.K. Rowling herself.]