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You Look Marvelous!: Tips for Kissing Up
Everyone from Plutarch to Mark Twain offers advice on how to flatter successfully and not get caught. Some rules:
Be specific. Forget one-size-fits-all compliments like "You're the best!" You could be flattering anyone. Don't tell Tom Hanks you think he's a great actor. Say, "I loved your opening tracking shot in That Thing You Do!"
Praise the beautiful for their intelligence, and the intelligent for their beauty. This was Casanova's credo, and it is the silver bullet of seduction.
Find something you really do like. If you're a bit squeamish about making up things, figure out something you actually do admire and praise it to the skies.
Flatter people behind their back. First, you'll never be suspected of being a slimy little weasel. Plus, it's actually more effective. When the flatteree hears you've said she is "brilliant," she will think much more kindly of you.
Don't be afraid to flatter people WHOM you think already get enough flattery. If they get a lot of flattery, they need a lot of flattery. And they can always use more. It's a renewable resource, and, heck, it's free.
Tell a Secret. When we reveal something intimate, we flatter the other person that he or she is worthy of trust. Just don't confess you're a shameless flatterer.
Never say, "you were so much better than I thought you would be". Don't give a compliment that suggests you held a low opinion of the person before.
Mix a little bitter with the sweet. Including a tiny bit of criticism with the praise makes the flattery seem more authentic: "I thought there was one slow movement in the first act, but other than that, it was better than Hamlet."
Know how far to go too far Don't overdo it. If you say, "Your paintings put Rembrandt to shame," the artist may be a tad skeptical.
Comparisons are never odious. Just as we envy people who are nearest to us in status, we feel more gratified when we hear we're better looking than our neighbor.
Ask for a small favor. As Plutarch first noted, we like people for whom we do favors more than people who do favors for us.
But never offer a compliment and ask a favor at the same time. When you charge for praise, you make the receiver wary.