How Not to Be Hated on Facebook: 10 More Rules

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  • Read Later, a self-described "community for love, sex, dating and relationship advice," has created an instructional video called "Facebook Manners and You." Styled after one of those frighteningly cheery '50s educational films, the video's instructions for proper behavior on the "electric friendship generator" is funny in a hits-close-to-home way. (I mean, no it doesn't. No one has ever posted embarrassing photos of me on the Internet!) (See the 25 best blogs of 2009.)

The video covers everything from how to dump someone (do not break up with your partner by changing your relationship status) to the best practices for starting a hate group (don't create an "I hate so-and-so" group. But if you already did, don't use it to call someone a communist). Still, there are a number of Facebook etiquette rules the video does not cover. TIME would like to suggest these additional "electric friendship" guidelines:

1. Stop taking quizzes. Nobody cares what literary time period you are.
2. If you sync your Twitter account to Facebook so that you fill others' news feeds with a constant stream of mundane updates and references to people with little @ symbols before their names, be prepared for people to de-friend you. Maybe even in real life. (Read "25 More Things I Didn't Want to Learn About You On Facebook.")
3. Don't friend someone you don't actually know
4. If you must friend someone you don't know, include a message explaining why you are doing so. For example, "Hi, I'm your cousin's roommate!" would suffice.
5. Actually, no. Why would your cousin's roommate want to be your friend? That's still weird.
6. Don't invite people to events if they don't live in your city. I'm glad you still live in our old college town, but guess what? I don't. Even if I did, I still wouldn't waste my Friday night listening to you play music at that vegan coffee shop I frequented when I was 19 because I couldn't get into bars.
7. I'm sorry your grandfather died of emphysema, but I will not join your "cause."
8. Make sure all your photos are rotated in the proper direction. How will people know how fun your Fourth of July barbecue was if every picture looks like you fell over?
9. If you create a group called "Lost my cell phone; need your numbers!," I will join, but I won't give you my number.
10. Cryptic status updates about your mental state — "Rachel is trying so hard," "Rachel wishes things were different," "Rachel is starting her life over" — don't make you sound intriguing, just lonely and pathetic.

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