Someone is posting notes on lampposts and street signs in Melbourne. We're not sure exactly where or when. All we know is that there are 12 of them, they are incredibly bizarre, and they are the handiwork of someone named Craig.
An example of Craig's work:
I'M PRETTY SURE I'VE INVENTED A TIME MACHINE ALL GOING ACCORDING TO PLAN I'LL MATERALISE RIGHT HERE AT 11:37AM ON FRIDAY. THIS IS JUST A COURTESY NOTE TO MAKE SURE YOU'RE NOT STANDING IN THIS SPOT AT THE TIME. THINGS MIGHT GET QUTE MESSY IF YOU ARE. ALSO I WON'T BE ARRIVING IN A DELOREAN, BE NAKED OR BE HALF MAN HALF FLY. THIS ISN'T THE MOVIES YOU KNOW. CRAIG
Pictures of the signs have been posted on various Internet forums, but nobody seems to know anything about them. Are the signs a joke? Somehow related to Craigslist? Maybe they're some form of weird modern art that we don't understand because we don't wear berets. Why does he keep using different kinds of tape?
Mostly, we just want to know who Craig is. From an extensive study of his public broadsheets, we've been able to deduce the following about Craig:
Likes: spring rolls, CAPS LOCK, battered sausages, cake, milk, DVDs, beer, pizza, mineral water, his partially deaf grandma, G-rated movies, bowling, time travel, Coke, Coke Zero, banana Big M's
Dislikes: cheese- and/or kite-related activities, commas, tights on men
Personal Style: mismatched sandals, clown shoes, pirate shirts, sweat bands, freshly darned size-13 socks
Skills: light cooking/cleaning, selling property he doesn't own, printing things on letter-size paper, meeting up with strangers to do stuff, taking the train, inventing acronyms
Weaknesses: varying his social engagements, successfully building a time machine, darning socks
Seeks: a girlfriend, an umbrella, a big-screen TV, a spade, disposable income, steady employment, toothpicks, general companionship
Craig: You seem like a cool guy, and we'd like to meet you. Please contact us by Friday, 3 p.m. ET. Be prepared to provide proof of your identity. A photo of you taping up one of the signs would suffice. We know where to get some really good spring rolls, and one of us is a girl who hates kites. If you want, we can even talk about the global financial crisis (GFC). Let's make this happen.